Wow. Patience is such a great thing! I am so in love with patience!
Even before my mission, people would tell me that I had great patience. I don't think they understood the emotions that boiled within me though. There was much resentment that was held back. Often I would vent to someone else about something or I would cry unnecessarily about something else. Working at Trefoil Ranch helped me to exercise my patience, yet often I would come home on the weekends exhausted and not wanting to go back. Sure, I looked patient on the outside and acted patient, but on the inside...ooo....yeah, don't mess with me.
Then I went on a mission. I was tried and tried again with patience. Whether it was with companions, leaders, or just random people in the ward or on the streets, I would be impatient. I would get frustrated. I realized what was going on and spent some serious time praying and studying the attributes of Christ. Charity and Patience were the two that stuck out to me the most in PMG (Preach My Gospel chapter 6).
I wanted to apply the things I was learning, but it was so difficult. How could I become more patient? Preach My Gospel says "You need patience in your everyday experiences and relationships, especially with you companion. You must be patient with all people, yourself included, as you work to overcome faults and weaknesses." Be patient, be patient, be patient! How was I supposed to gain patience?
Well, I did the study boxes and I prayed fervently. I also had to continue reminding myself that I didn't have to be perfect. My companion didn't have to be perfect. No one had to be perfect. My expectations were unrealistic of others and of myself. I wasn't seeing people through God's eyes, but I was seeing all of us through my contorted and blurred vision. It's like someone had performed surgery on my eyes and told me that I was seeing things so much better now, when in reality, everything looked much more horrid. Luckily, God changed that.
When I knew that my vision was twisted, I started focusing on how the Lord saw people. And of course, God sent people into my life that I needed to have a lot of patience for. And because God allowed me that chance to grow my patience, amazing things happened. I prayed to see them and understand them the way that God does. I asked to see myself that way too. The more I have done this, the more patient I have become with others. I realize that we all make mistakes and that it is ok that we make mistakes. We are expected to make mistakes. That is what life is about. It is about testing and learning and growing. It's really hard to grow and test your abilities is you never take risks. If we never put our feet in front of one another, how are we ever going to know how fast we can run? We will never enjoy the feeling of freedom if we never break the supposed chains around us. Often we have put the chains around ourselves; excuses to cover our fear, lies from the adversary that we have believed, and others. We can break through and we can run. All we have to do is take that first step.
Like I have said before, I am so grateful for those who have patience with me. Those who don't judge because they understand that I am human. They know that I will make mistakes. They understand that God loves me, and they love me too. Thank you for being so kind! It's so amazing to me that God gives us each other to help one another. When we are patient and loving and kind to one another, life is so much easier. Support systems are great! It's so nice to have a friend along for the journey!
Patience and charity truly intertwine, what a glorious concept. When we truly love one another, we have much more patience with one another. When we understand each others circumstances, it's easier to be patient and love one another. I love it. Go hug someone today. :)
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